If you haven’t heard, Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, recently announced a search for a 2nd Amazon headquarters, promising upwards of 50,000 jobs to the city and region that could put forth the best combination of tax incentives, perks, and other corporate benefits reserved solely for the largest and most powerful companies.

Since then, a number of public officials have made embarrassingly desperate attempts to attract Amazon’s attention, with mixed yet comical results, including shipping a cactus to Amazon in Seattle. Well here are 5  things UIUC should do to win Amazon. Do you have more ideas? Comment below.

#1. Rename the Boneyard Creek the Amazon Creek – The campus creek named after an animal graveyard? Creepy.

#2. Adopt “The Amazonian” as the official mascot – Despite it’s name, the mascot is not an indigenous person of South America, but instead an Amazon box-person.

#3. Require all textbooks to be bought exclusively on Amazon.com

#4. Replace Lincoln’s bust in Lincoln Hall with Bezos’ bust – Students rub the head for faster delivery.

#5. Convert the NCSA to Amazon Web Services

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